Dealing with Hurtful People

Two people I see regularly have been getting under my skin, which triggers all sorts of negative thoughts and conversations that take place in mind. I’m aware that I’m getting irritated with these people and try to practice acceptance, ego-removal (do I really know what’s best?!), non-judgment, and compassion. Yet I become angry at myself when I see I’m still giving these people a tremendous amount of energy. What it boils down to is that I can practice spirituality in many ways, but with certain people chords are struck that resonate uncomfortably. After being disappointed that many spiritual books and people tend not to address this element of relationships I finally received my answer yesterday:

No matter how spiritual we become we are always going to experience human emotions such as anger, fear, loneliness, sadness, joy, shame, and guilt. However, we do not have to suffer in these emotions. When I’m trying to deny, resist, or avoid the emotions I not only experience the emotions, but I then also suffer from the additional feelings I place on top of them.

The solution is to simply accept the emotions. When those people tick me off, I need to be fully present and aware of the resulting emotions. Denying them only prolongs the emotion and adds in unnecessary turmoil and personal judgment (i.e., suffering).

The additional piece of all this is kindness. Not to them (yet), but to myself first. I need to allow the emotions I feel around an issue to be okay. Once I accept the emotion and allow my feelings to be as they are, only then is there enough room to genuinely show kindness to others. Then, I can practice acceptance, ego-removal, non-judgment, and compassion. I cannot be these things to others if I’m not this way with my “self.”