Achieving it All Through Meditation

Seeker: "I'm hitting a wall with my meditation. Breaking through to the clarity, wisdom, and reality of wakefulness seems so close. I keep trying but I seem stuck. What can I do?"

Sage: "Stop trying. Rather than spending 30 minutes in meditation, sit for only two. Meditate to only the point where you enjoy it the most, go no farther."

First Arrow is Pain, Second Arrow is Suffering

Buddha says that the first arrow causes pain. The second arrow causes suffering.

Imagine you are hit by an arrow. Then you are given the option to either:
1) Acknowledge the pain fully, which will immediately lead to healing the wound
2) Make believe the arrow didn’t hurt/be angry that you were hit with the arrow at all, which will cause a second arrow to hit you.

Every time we encounter something we do not like these are the two options presented to us. We can either fully acknowledge the uncomfortable feeling (which allows healing and growth to begin) or we can deny, resist, or avoid the feeling (which creates suffering on top of the original pain).

For some reason we think that if we say, “That doesn’t really bother me,” or “I shouldn’t really be feeling this way,” we’ll be able to move beyond the situation that caused us to make these statements. Yet, we only prolong the negative emotion. This prolonging is suffering on top of the pain. If we simply acknowledge that we were hurt and accept the pain, then the pain will heal.

Is something troubling you now? If so, write down your answers to the following questions…
--What is it that is troubling you?
--Can you label the feeling(s) (e.g., anger, sadness, loneliness, fear, shame, guilt, or pain)?
--Can you allow yourself seven minutes to fully feel the feeling or feelings that you identified?

Quote from the Dhammapada (sent by a good friend)

“'He abused me, mistreated me, defeated me, robbed me.' Harboring such thoughts keeps hatred alive."
“'He abused me, mistreated me, defeated me, robbed me.' Releasing such thoughts banishes hatred for all time.”

-AND-

“Those who fail to distinguish the nonessential from the essential, and the essential from the nonessential, will, in feeding on wrong thoughts, fail to attain the essential.”

Life is, By Nature, Uncomfortable

Twice yesterday, one time from a Christian source (Rick Warren in The Purpose Driven Life) and another from a Buddhist source (in meditation class), it was stated that our normal human existence is one where we are uncomfortable in our bodies. We are ill-at-ease with our emotions; we are prone to be stressed, anxious, or just uncomfortable. Yet even though the feeling of life is inherently a bit prickly, when we feel ill-at-ease we make the awkward feeling worse by thinking that we are doing something wrong, that something is wrong with us. Then we’re left with the initial emotion plus the added anxiety that the emotion is bad.

If we don’t judge the initial emotion, we are left with that emotion alone—minus the other baggage we normally place on top of it. Sitting only with the emotion is bearable. We can name it, accept it, and move on knowing that feelings and judgments we don’t like are inevitable. Therefore, we don’t need to attach a whole lot of unnecessary meaning on top of it.

M. Scott Peck starts his book, A Road Less Traveled, with, “Life is difficult…Once we truly know that life is difficult—once we truly understand and accept it—then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”

There will be ups and downs in life, but we do not need to make the downtimes worse by judging them negatively or by trying to avoid, resist, and deny the downtimes. The downtimes pass much more quickly when we realize that they are simply just part of life.

Quote from Deng Ming-Dao

"The essence of life shall never be known by a human being as along as that person seeks to observe life like a viewer and subject. The absolute essential nature of life can only be comprehended by merging fully with the flow of life, so that one is utterly part of it."
--from Deng Ming-Dao's book, 365 Tao: Daily Meditations

Everyday Words, Spiritual Basis

Wholeness...leads to...Holiness
In Spirit...leads to...Inspiration
In Spirit...leads to...Inspire
Recreation...leads to...Re-Create
In Joy...leads to...Enjoy

The End of Negativity

Show me anything and I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it. It’s the nature of my negative perspective. Identifying what is wrong with something can sometimes be useful, like in business when you’re trying to figure out why a product isn’t selling. My problem is that my negativity carries into most everything, though it is cleverly masked and sometimes humorous. I find something wrong in every situation. It used to make me feel smart and analytical. But takes greater intelligence and analytic skill to offer a solution for making something better (unless, of course, that something is your spouse; bad situations, fine; personal faults, fine; not with respect to other people). Enough justification. Here’s the substance:

My ability to see what is wrong with any given situation blocks joy from my life. Sure, some bits get through, but I suspect not the full spectrum that is available to me. The focus of my life defines my existence. Therefore, I will only focus on the positive. Negative thoughts that cross my mind will not be expressed. No more complaining, judging, or criticizing. I’m off it.

An Open Mind is an Opportunity to Know God's Will

Today’s challenge is to keep an open mind with all things. When I become confident in my viewpoint it is very possible that I’m missing the faint whisper of the universe telling me (perhaps through a person I dislike even) that there is a better way. I’ve seen the power of an open mind in my marriage. When first married, my wife and I each had our own ideas about managing money, taking care of a house, addressing responsibilities, and more. We were each confident in our own ideas of what did and did not work. However, we both needed to keep an open mind to the other person’s way of doing things and when we did we discovered approaches that were even better than our way individual ways.

The same is true of spiritual practices and religions. I find it easy to get defensive of my way of practicing spirituality because it has been so profoundly positive in my life. What I need to remember is my approach may not work for others. Further, I must remember that there is much that can enhance my own practice when I keep an open mind to the practice of others.

Keeping an open mind simply means that we remember we are human and cannot have all the answers. When we do this we see possibilities that enrich our lives. (I wonder, if we seek to have an open heart, can we achieve it without an open mind?)

Bringing it Back to the Present

My mind has been racing lately with all sorts of thoughts. It’s been fun and it makes me feel like I’m being productive. However, just now I realized that all of those thoughts related to either the past or the future. I haven’t been living in the present.

It’s easy to think I am in the present because most of my thoughts are about what I’m feeling in the moment, but the only reason those feelings are in existence is because of the thoughts I’m having about the past or the future. For today I’m going to keep my mind (and my thoughts) in the same location as my feet. My feet can’t be in the past or future, so my mind shouldn’t be there either—especially since god can’t be anywhere but the present.

Suffering (in a Spiritual Context)

When reading the works of many spiritual writers, their themes tend to roughly follow the Buddhist concept of the Four Noble Truths. In the Four Noble Truths, “suffering” plays a big role, but interestingly, many teachers say the word “suffering” isn’t an accurate translation of what the Buddha said. There actually is no good English translation that matches the original, and unfortunately, the English definition of “suffering” doesn’t convey what Buddha meant (though it is still one way to understand the Truths).

In its essence, what is meant by “suffering” is the experience of not feeling connected to god (or the universe, or the soul). And the results that come from living without connectedness to god (stress, anxiety, overwhelmed-ness, dissociation, etc.) can also be included in this understanding of suffering.

So, when the First Noble Truth says, Life means suffering. It really means that in life we will often not feel connected to the world around us, or god (it is all the same). Even for the most spiritual human, there will be moments of not “feeling” connected. The Second Noble Truth, The origin of suffering is attachment, implies that we will not experience god when we are attached to outcomes (or seeking materialism, or seeking to fulfill our ego). The Third Noble Truth, The cessation of suffering is attainable, tells us that we can be connected to god by not being attached to our ego’s definition of ourselves or our idea of what symbols (such as cars, houses, money---materialistic things) mean to us and about us. The Fourth Noble Truth, There is a path to the cessation of suffering, tells us that we can be more connected to god through self-improvement. By taking responsibility for feelings and circumstances (as M. Scott Peck discusses in The Road Less Traveled), we can transcend the negative emotions that keep us from feeling connected to god and we can overcome our attachment to things we hope will make us feel better but actually do not.

Choose to See the Joy

There is joy in each and every moment. We have a choice of whether to see it or not. Today let us be aware of the joy throughout our day. It is all too easy to get bogged down in responsibilities, stressors, past conversations, and future projections. This clouds our perception of our lives and defines our world in an incomplete way.

When in the middle of our tasks let’s be awake to the joy in the moment. Take a few seconds to be aware what it good and joyous in the instant. Small pleasures always abound when we choose to look for them. As you read this post, identify the joy available to you right now.

Being aware of the joy available to us throughout our day will transform our lives.

Returning to What was Lost

I’ve always considered 1998 the time when I was the most spiritual. I had spent the first six months of the year traveling alone with little-to-no money—5 weeks by train in Europe and 4.5 months by car zigzagging the United States. It was a surprise to discover that once a level of spirituality is attained it is not always sustained. I mistakenly thought spiritual growth was a constant progression without regression. Only now – 8 years later – am I feeling that I am once again approaching that same level of spirituality. For years I wondered why I was not returning to that same level of spiritual awareness. Having been practicing meditation now for over two months I understand why.

I was forced into two practices while traveling: being in the moment and being in silence. While traveling, every single road, sight, person, and experience was new and adventurous. It was actually difficult to spend much time thinking about the past or wondering about the future because the top of each hill brought something I had never seen before snapping me back into the joy of present mindedness. And since I was alone for most of the time, I was enveloped in the wisdom of silence. Both the practice of being in the moment and being in silence – like meditation – resulted in a connectedness to my soul or spirit. The ego, which keeps me from god, was naturally diminished. The result is that I didn’t just travel and see, but I also had countless incredible experiences with a variety of incredible people. I was led downs paths that changed my life for the better and I didn’t resist them for what was familiar.

Once again I’m starting to experience that spiritual aliveness known to me only 8 years ago. The practice of meditation and allowing my soul to override my ego is creating a richness in my life on a level I started to think I’d never see again. The gifts of spiritual growth continue to amaze me.

Strange Coincidence?

As if a sign from god that I’m on the right track with my previous post, I just received the following quote in an email…

"It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also.”

A Tension Between Spiritual Practice and Western Culture

I’m experiencing a dissonance between my spiritual practice and what I’ve learned throughout my life in the Western culture. A recent incident with a person left me feeling angry and hurt. I’ve been struggling to discover the best way to deal with it. Western culture says I should talk with the person and share my feelings—I should get it off my chest. Spiritual practice says that anytime I have a problem with someone else, the real problem lies within me—only by changing the energy I bring to the situation can I change the difficult situation with the other. Basically, the spiritual practice says that we can’t get others to change and when we decide someone else needs to change what we’re doing amounts to judging. And when we judge we are living by our ego, not our spirit.

Resolving the conflict by focusing inward only, using spiritual principles and practice is a dramatic change for me. It goes against everything I’ve been taught. If I don’t convey my feelings to the person, then surely I’m must be “stuffing” my feelings and the eventual result will be an eruption of unresolved emotions. Yet, there is a gentle tug telling me that by working on fixing myself, letting go of past stories (or pre-conditioning to certain situations), and taking my ego out of the picture then I won’t actually be stuffing my feelings. Instead, I’d be going to the root of the problem.

Being resistant to this tug, I spoke with another person deeply involved in spiritual practice. This person reminded me of the many times when I did share my feelings with others. The outcome was that I felt better, but really nothing changed. The other person didn’t change (why should they?). The only way to get a different outcome in a difficult situation is to change the only thing within my power—me. (Interestingly, this relates back to something I wrote here on June 27th, the “Don’t Push My Buttons” post where I talk about rewiring the buttons so they do not elicit the usual response. Others can only get under my skin if I choose to let them.) Further conversation also revealed that if I can diminish my ego to the point where I’m comfortable allowing the other person’s ego to dominate, then there would be no hurt in the situation. This requires me to take being humble to a level I didn’t even want to believe existed. It is scary, but I know it will be rewarding.

I’m going to resolve this issue using the spiritual approach. After praying, meditating, and talking to others about this I have faith that the right action is further spiritual growth on my part. I will focus on changing my energy in order to resolve the tension over the long term.

There is a caveat to all of this: Nothing is absolute. Some situations require that we discuss our feelings. For instance, my wife and I have great results when we let each other know when one of us has hurt the other. Since we love each other we take the other person’s feelings to heart and modify our behavior. And neither abuses this powerful communications tool. However, there are other times when sharing feelings will not result in change and may even cause greater conflict. When we encounter such times it may be an opportunity for us to grow personally.

I will close with the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Something to Ponder

"I strive for completeness rather than perfection."

--as opposed to the more common--

"I strive for progress rather than perfection."

Patience is Sometimes the Best Practice

The trip to Bermuda was spectacular. The family was great and the scenery amazing. Spiritually, it was a very interesting experience being with so many people on a cruise ship. I realize I need a lot more practice because it was challenging to remain spiritually focused with over 1200 vacationers on a boat, 23 family members, and little ability to manage my own time. After a few more years of meditative practice I’d like to go on another cruise to see how I’ve changed.

The real take-away lesson – from a spiritual perspective – is patience. My spiritual growth is a slow journey and there will be times when I have the ability to practice it better than others. I was actually pleased that I wasn’t as hard on myself throughout the cruise as I would normally be. I found being with so many people in an environment filled with numerous excesses to be a difficult place to be spiritual (and I did indulge in grotesque displays of gorging on food). I still did all of my practices (prayer, meditation, readings, namasti, etc.), but lacked the ability to carry the practice with me throughout the day.

That all being said, I still did see growth. I treated myself and others with much greater kindness than normal, and not just acting kind (which comes naturally), but being kind with my thoughts as well (which does not come naturally). I also had a much greater appreciation for the crew on the ship who spend months at sea working harder than most people I see in society and always having a smile. It was honestly inspiring to see how most of the crew members carry their joy with them even in challenging circumstances. Almost every person I know possesses a lot more and smiles much less.