A Difficult Day

Yesterday was challenging for me. Although initially seeming as though I failed spiritually, I learned a valuable lesson and received clarity that I now see was desperately needed.

I had an appointment with a veterinarian who has bugged for the two years we’ve had our dog. It seems every time we visit the vet he says we need to buy medicine or services that weren’t expected. In anticipation of yesterday’s visit, my wife and I decided that we needed to be better with our boundaries. I prayed and meditated beforehand, and in the moment silently wished the vet love, laughter, happiness & joy as well as acknowledged that the divinity in me recognizes the divinity in him. All that practice left me at the first mention of services and medicine we didn’t want. The best I could do was use appropriate words, but my attitude and demeanor were off. My wife said I seemed very angry. I left the vet feeling as though my spirit was poisoned. It felt awful and I knew I did the poisoning.

I was disappointed that the prayer and meditation didn’t work as I had expected. My fears and insecurities presented themselves in the vet’s office (I’m not good at setting boundaries with humor or peace, only an angry tone and facial expression). I prayed and meditated again after the appointment. This is when I received the gift of clarity. Here’s what I learned:

• I don’t know how to stand-up for myself/family without using an element of anger
• I was actually projecting onto the vet my frustration that my dog has more health problems than I like
• The real cost difference between what I ever expect to pay and actually pay is no more than $20
• The vet is only attempting to take really good care of our dog
• I’m really bad in situations where I expect to pay one price and have to pay another (i.e., I’m attached to money in an unhealthy way)

What this boils down to is that the vet isn’t the real problem. The real problem is me and all of the different aspects of my personality that I was denying (or asleep to). Yesterday was hard because I had an awakening and it wasn’t to a beautiful sight. Such is the spiritual journey. However, now I have an awareness that I didn’t have before to an issue that is having a negative karmic affect in my life (i.e., I repeat this same story in different ways throughout my life). With this insight, and some effort, perhaps I can move on to the next life.

Spiritual growth is hard. The rewards of doing so are great.